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When many people travel to China, they go to see the sights. This makes sense, of course, given that China has some of the most beautiful and historic places to see in the world. There is something else, however, that China has to offer which most visitors pass by entirely.

They pass by an opportunity to interact with the Chinese people by staying inside their "bubble" and spending all their time with other foreigners. Being in China presents a great opportunity to spend some time with a people who are not only generally kind and fun to be around, but from which you can learn a great deal about the views and lives of people outside the US. I addition to this, they could be your best source of information about places to see and things to do in the area you're in.

I've often heard questionable conclusions drawn about the people of a country based on only very limited interactions with them. One example is from a person I know who had visited a Muslim country that is widely known for its anti-American sentiment. She came back and wouldn't stop talking about how tolerant they are of both Americans and Christians in general. She knew this was true, she said, because her driver had emphatically said that he was very fond of both. Its not that I doubt more tolerance exists in that country than we typically believe, but when you're cutting a check at the end of the day to your sole source of information (in this case, her driver) you can't be sure that what he is telling you is not solely to influence the size of the tip he receives. If you want to learn about the lives and opinions of the people in the country you're visiting, you need to make genuine friendships while you're there.

This short essay is about how to make friends when you are in China.

At root, making friends in China is going to be similar to when you were a child, and were often thrown into situations with other children after little or no introductions, and then expected to play together for hours. I say this because, similar to that experience, regardless of any advice I could give you, you will have to summon the confidence to approach someone and "make friends" without any introductions--and this can be very difficult for many people.

It's important to keep in mind, however, that not only are the Chinese naturally very kind and hospitable to foreigners, but that most are also very curious about them and would love the opportunity to interact with them. Essentially, once you've summoned the courage and put yourself out on the line to meet someone new in China, your odds of being "rejected" are almost zero. In addition to this, if you don't speak any Chinese, fear not. Large numbers of Chinese study English and those English students are typically the first to seek out westerners, in order to improve their foreign language skills.

So, where do you go if you want to make Chinese friends? I spoke earlier of the "bubble" that many foreigners find themselves staying in (actually, most are totally unaware of it). This typically consists of the really nice hotel you're staying in and the fancy restaurants you're frequenting. If you walk in to a restaurant or bar, and you have to look around for a minute before you see any Chinese people (and trust me, there are tons of places like this), you are not outside the bubble. The majority of places that any travel book or tour guide who caters to foreigners would have you go will be charging prices that may seem unreasonable to the average Chinese person, even if they do not to you.

Your best bet is to just drop into a bar or restaurant where you are clearly the only foreigner. This goes along with what I mentioned about the Chinese being curious about westerners. The less there are, the more novel it is and the more people will want to talk to you. Similarly, if you are in a city such as Shanghai where tons of expatriates live, don't be surprised when the Chinese people are not going crazy to talk to you. Beijing is substantially easier, and if you are somewhere like Xi'an or Kunming you'll have no problem at all, based solely on the novelty of talking to a foreigner.

I had a lot of luck meeting Chinese people simply by sitting down at their table with them inside a bar and introducing myself. It seems kind of crazy, but I never got a weird look and the people were always very nice and typically very happy to meet me.

Of course, you shouldn't just rely on this "novelty factor". If you want to actually turn that initial conversation into a friendship, a few nice gestures will go a long way--just like they would anywhere else.

For one, a smile is universal. Everyone, everywhere appreciates them. Also, ask a lot of questions. Everyone appreciates you taking an interest in their life (not to mention that learning about them and their lives is one of the main reasons you're making the effort to meet them in the first place). Finally, get the bill or buy a round of drinks. Who doesn't love that?

One thing to be aware of is that Chinese pride in their society's achievements and status rivals only our own in the US. Certainly any Chinese person would appreciate it if you were to complement where they live. Likewise, the "ugly American" attitude is going to stir very strong anti-American sentiments among them. For example, you should avoid saying even seemingly innocent things like, "would you like to one day move to America so you can be free too?" That would be interpreted as arrogant and insulting China. If you come into the conversation with the attitude that the two countries are equal, it's going to help a lot.

On one occasion, I was sitting with some new friends in a bar, and a Chinese man said to me, "I think America and China should be friends". I could tell from his expression that he really meant it and that he had put a lot of thought into this before choosing to say it. I also became aware that everyone at the table had their eyes trained on me, waiting for my response. I smiled and said, "I think they already are", and everyone cheered!

When conversation turns to subjects where disagreements are likely, it's important to remember that you're in their country to bring some knowledge and understanding back with you; not to export your ideas and beliefs. A good example is political conversations. Many Chinese, when expressing their honest opinions about the US, are going to say very negative things about a place that you likely hold very dear. In a situation like this it's important to be able to agree to disagree, and to listen and learn what their perspective is even if its one you can't agree with.

If you are interested in talking politics with the Chinese (as I definitely was), check out China's New Nationalism before you go.

It also helps to be sensitive to their personal situation relative to your own. For example, it may not be a good thing to tell them to drop by next time they're in Chicago--because for most, financially, overseas travel is simply not an option.

So, now that I've hopefully encouraged you to go and interact as much as you can with Chinese people when in China, its time for a few words of caution. Scams and con artists in China are everywhere! One example comes from a friend of mine who, when shopping at a mall frequented by foreigners met two young women claiming to be English students that wanted to know if he would spend a half an hour speaking English with them.

He agreed and they insisted that they go to a particular tea house while they spoke. They sat down for about a half an hour, chatted, and had a few cups of tea (which shouldn't have amounted to more than a few dollars). When it was time to pay the bill, however, several very large men stepped into the room. They handed him a bill for two hundred dollars and he was forced to pay it.

Being aware of these types of things, using common sense, and a certain amount of caution should be enough to prevent something like this from happening to you. Also, if you approach the Chinese people you would like to befriend instead of allowing them to approach you, you are decreasing your likelihood of experiencing such problems.

With that said, finding friends in China is incredibly fun and rewarding. It will certainly enhance your experience there on every level. When you travel to a country simply to "see the sights" you're gaining relatively little more than you would from watching a documentary. Through true interactions and friendships with the people there, however, you will gain exponentially more.

If you have any comments or questions about what I have written here, please email me at: MarkAnderson@translatechinese.org.